Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
