got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
