Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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