I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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