Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize