I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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