i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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