Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
