my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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