I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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