oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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