My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
