I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
