plz talk dirty to me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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