Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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