Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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