what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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