im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
