I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
