I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
