taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
3pm strippers are depressing
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
