bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
