Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
