im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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