I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
