Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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