ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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