How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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