mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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