Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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