69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
