I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
