i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
