"it" just moved
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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