in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
