I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
