but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
