If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
