He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
