Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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