He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
