even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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