So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
