can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
