I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
