so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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