okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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