so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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