What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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