im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
