She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
