You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
