i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
