Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
