Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize