gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
