is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
