hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
