just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
