trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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