he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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