well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
