Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
