dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
